To Find Ones Self
by XBloodyBaneX
Summary: Raven had been captured by a new, holy, enemy. As this new enemy tries to destroy Raven's demonic magic, and in word, her herself, BeastBoy loses himself to The Beast. But this time it isn't instinct driving him to save Raven. BeastBoy begins to change, and having to fight the two halves of his inner self, he needs to figure out which to believe. *On Hiatus* Revision soon!
1. Chapter 1: Fear

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Teen Titans.

**AN: **Yes, I know. I usually like to keep to one story then finish it, but I lost my Mojo on Phantom Destination. I will get back to it, but I just want to finish this chapter that's stuck in my head. **I had nothing to do with the scenario of this story, the idea came from The Wild Man's Journey (The FF, not the book.).** I had read a few chapters into it, but it died off to me. This is my own version of it, not everything is the same, but the basic build of the story is.

**To Find Ones Self:**  
**Chapter 1:**Fear

* * *

Raven and BeastBoy were dispatched to a local bank, where a "Holy Man" has taken hostages, and is preaching about "Destroying the evil within them." Raven phased through the floor, covered by her raven like manifestation of her powers, while BeastBoy had flown and transformed out of his... Green Jay bird form.

"What's going on?" Raven said emotionlessly, as she appeared behind the commanding officer.

"Gah!" The man jumped. "Oh. Raven, BeastBoy. Thank god you're here. This "Holy Man" or "Pastro" as he claims, has taken hostages, and is preaching to 'Destroy the evil within them'. Negotiations haven't worked so far, and we can't enter, 'cuz there's a mysterious light stopping us at the doorway." He gave the run down.

"What do you mean 'Can't'?" BeastBoy questioned.

"I mean Can't, every time any one of us makes contact with the light, it stops us dead, and throws us back."

"Let me check it out." Raven said as she moved toward the light covering the doors. There were words floating in the center of the doorway. "Protektitaj portalo?" She reached towards the light. The second she made contact, intense pain coursed through her, and she was thrown back.

"Raven!" BeastBoy screamed, as he turned into a cobra and coiled himself under Raven before she could hit the ground.

"You okay?" He sounded worried.

"Yeah."

"What was that?"

"Some kind of holy magic."

"Holy magic? I can call for backup? 'Cuz, y'know, demonic and holy magic don't exactly mix." He pulled out his communicator.

"It's fine BeastBoy, I wouldn't be the child of Trigon if I couldn't handle some holy magic."

"Ok. Just be careful, you both might have advantages over each other, but you both had weakness' to each other."

"That was a lot more intelligent and perceptive than I thought you were capable of." She joked at him.

"I have my moments." He gave her a wide grin.

* * *

Raven had succeeded in tearing open a hole in the wall of holy light, if only long enough for the two to get through. The lobby was almost completely empty, the only people there were, what they guessed, Pastros first victims. They were twitching mildly, one eye was emitting the holy light, while the other had demonic magic leaking out in a strange liquid form.

"What's happening to them?" BeastBoy hid behind Raven, as if they were about to become zombies.

"My guess is that Pastro tried to get rid of the demonic magic inside of people by flooding their system with holy magic."

"Do humans have magic?"

"Of course they do, they just can't manifest it and control it. Holy magic is what make people good, and demonic magic is what makes people evil." She explained. "Think of it as... What was it?... Karma."

"Oh. So what about you, or Pastro? You control demonic magic, why aren't you evil?" He seemed genuinely interested in the subject.

"I control and manifest demonic energy naturally, but I don't let it reach beyond the synthesis zone."

"So you let the magics energy reach far enough inside you to be able to control it, but not enough to influence your actions." Raven looked at him, surprised for the second time in the last 10 minutes.

"So what about Pastro?"

"I would guess, that once he got his powers he let it reach to his inner core, severely warping his mind. In turn, making him hell-bent on destroying demonic energy."

"So it need to be in balance? Like Yin and Yang? Excluding those who can manifest and control either sides of the energy."

"Will you stop that! Your freaking me out." She mocked disgust.

"Stop what?"

"Being smart. It's... Weird."

"Oh. Sorry, I'll try not to think so critically anymore." He mocked being insulted.

* * *

They had searched, practically the entire building. They were about to give up, thinking that Pastro had done in the rest of the hostages and made his escape, when the holy light illuminated from a room down a hallway.

"Raven!" BeastBoy whispered urgently.

"What?" She whispered back.

He motioned for her to come to him.

"What is it?" She asked as she reached him.

He pointed down the hall. At first Raven thought saw nothing and was about to reprimand him for getting distracted on the job while some crazy guy had hostages. But saw the flash of holy light come from the room far down the hall. Raven pulled BeastBoy closer to her and shrouded them in her energy, then phased through the wall. When Raven lowered her shield, they saw the Holy Man busy 'Exorcising' some one. He hadn't noticed their presence until BeastBoy made a step toward him.

"Huh?" He turned to look at them. "Blasphemers! Hold your ground so I may smite the evils within you!" He dropped the man he was exorcising and moved towards them. He only made a half step until he noticed Raven. "She-Devil!" He screamed, pointing at her. "Child of Trigon! If my power can vanquish thee, I may soon defeat the demon lord himself!" And he proceeded to charge at Raven. BeastBoy quickly changed into a Kangaroo and kicked him in the chest, successfully knocking him back.

"Think of something to take him down, I'll keep him back." he said, changing to a fighting stance in front of her.

"Blasphemer! Why do you protect the demon child?! Has she corrupted your mind?" Pastro stares at BeastBoy in disbelief. "Worry not. I shall purify your soul soon as the demoness is dispatched." He raised his arms as if calling on something, then a pillar of light raised from the ground and struck BeastBoy in the chest, sending him flying into the ceiling. He moved again, motioning toward him like a wave. The same pillar stuck BeastBoy in the chest diagonally, he again went flying, but toward the wall in back of them.

"Bea-" Raven only manages to say over her search for a spell before BeastBoy interrupted her.

"Don't worry about me! Just find your spell!" He said as he changed into a cheetah and lunged at Pastro. Pastro deftly avoided his, and turned toward him. BeastBoy thought fast while he had the priests attention, '_Maybe his powers wouldn't affect a holy animal_'. The most versatile animal he could think of was the Rhesus macaque. He turned and lunged again. In mid lunge Pastro had grabbed BeastBoy by the face, covering his eyes.

"You **Dare** defile one of the holiest animals of God?!" He screamed, his grip tightening. "You shall **Pay **for you insolence!" And with that holy light shone from between Pastros hand and BeastBoy's eyes.

"Greeaaaah!" BeastBoy screamed, grabbing at the priests arm trying to free himself. The light ceased, and Pastro threw BeastBoy toward Raven. She dropped her book and grabbed BeastBoy, checking for what happened. She pulled his eye lids back to find his iris' a milky white. He was blind.

"BeastBoy?" Her voice seeping with with worry. He rolled away from her and landed in a sprinting position. "I'll be fine." He said and she as his ears turned into that of a bat. "Just. Keep. Searching.".

* * *

BeastBoy's eyes had regenerated from his the regenerative abilities of his worm form. Raven had finally found a full body binding spell she could use. "BeastBoy! Move!" She said just before she started chanting the azarathian spell. Pastro had noticed what she was trying to cast and brought his arms out, then pulled his hands together, like he was catching something, entwining his fingers together. Raven was halfway done with the spell when some bright white chains formed in mid-air, right beside her. They quickly snaked around her body, the same pain she felt from touching the light from the doorway. They quickly restrained her, like she tried to do to him. She screamed as the pain enveloped her body.

"Wha-" BeastBoy said right before a light pillar hit him in the side and he crashed into the wall to the side of him.

"This demoness' wiles will cease to influence your actions when her powers are null." He raised his arm, essentially raising Raven into the air.

"Let. Her. **Go**." BeastBoy growled out.

"Soon enough. But I cannot have you interrupting." Pastro responded, he reached out and a key manifested in his hands, he pointed it toward BeastBoy and turned it, as if locking something. BeastBoy didn't understand the meaning of this action until cuffs made of holy light fastened around his legs and wrists, drawing him toward the ground.

"You bastard." Raven said through the pain. "You think your such a great man? Just look at your failed test subjects. With what you've done to them, we'll be lucky if just **Half **of them can balance their powers. The others might need regular power management."

"Cull your silver tongue. I am doing this for the good of the people. A few must suffer for the good of many." He preached.

"You don't sacrifice **Anyone **for the good of anyone else."

"**Enough!**" He grasped her throat and a choker formed.

"It is time to test my prowess." Pastro pulled out a rosary of what looked to be made of bone, it gave off a faint holy light and wrapped itself around his arm. He faced his palm toward Raven, and the holy light enveloped around her, brighter than ever. She screamed in pain for just a few second, then she stopped. BeastBoy watched in fear as Ravens body slumped over in her floating chains.

"Hehaha! The child of Trigon is alot less resilient to holy magics than I had prepared for." He mocked her unconscious form. "Best I just finish things here and prepare for the final battle." And he went to grab her head.

"You **Bastard**." BeastBoy said in a low, demonic growl. "You want to fight demons and destroy evil?" His tone growing darker by ever word. "**T_H_E_N_ P_R_E_P_A_R_E _T_O _F_I_G_H_T_ M_Y_ D_E_M_O_N_!_**" His voice echoing on itself and laced with rage. He picked himself up, unfaltered by the chains that once held him down, his form changing. By the time he was fully up right he had grown 3 feet, his face elongated into that of a wolf, his teeth seemingly sharp enough to cut steel, the entirety of his eyes turn black, mimicking that of a demon, along with two sets of horns. One curling, over, under then on top of his ears, like that of a Ram. The other sweeping along the top of his skull, stopping at the back of it. His fur, dark and matted, spiked up away from his skin, like it itself was afraid of touching him. Though they never punctured out of the skin, the bones along joints of his body had small bone protrusions.

"**N_o_ m_a_t_t_e_r_ h_o_w _m_u_c_h _y_o_u_ p_r_a_y_, N_o_t_h_i_n_g _w_i_l_l s_a_v_e_ y_o_u _f_r_o_m _m_y _w_r_a_t_h_!**" BeastBoys voice echoing on the buildings walls, and in Pastros head.

"Ah, so she is your mistress? She has granted you power? I guess I must take care of you before her."

"**I _k_n_o_w _y_o_u_r _p_l_o_y, _s_o_o_n _a_s _I_ r_e_a_c_h _y_o_u_, y_o_u _w_i_l_l _a_t_t_a_c_k _h_e_r_. I _h_a_v_e _n_a_u_g_h_t _t_i_m_e_ f_o_r_ y_o_u, _a_s _b_o_t_h _s_h_e_ a_n_d _I_ a_r_e _i_n_j_u_r_e_d_. _W_e _w_i_l_l _c_o_n_t_i_n_u_e_ t_h_i_s_ a_t _a_ l_a_t_e_r _d_a_t_e_._**" BeastBoy opened his demonic maw, and popped with the sound of dislocation. And soon a pitch black fog fell from his mouth and engulfed the room. BeastBoy used this distraction to jump past Pastro, grab Raven and retreat. BeastBoy chose a more covert way of retreat, as knowing the police in the front of the bank wouldn't try to discern whether BeastBoy's new form was friend or foe and just shoot the frightening thing on sight.

* * *

Raven had regained some consciousness after BeastBoy crashed through the back wall of the bank. She didn't know whether or not being hauled away from the scene of her defeat by a hulking demon like monster was a good or bad thing, but when she noticed the green tint to the fur of the creature, she knew exactly who it was.

"BeastBoy?" She asked weakly, still in pain from being bound in holy chain just a few minutes ago.


	2. Chapter 2: The Return

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Teen Titans.

**AN:** Another chapter of To Find Ones Self. I noticed the last chapter was pretty brief in descriptions, but whenever I tried to rewrite it I wouldn't get any further than making it worse. I will try to make this chapter more detailed, but I make no promises.

**To Find Ones Self:**  
**Chapter 2: The Return**

* * *

Raven came to when whatever was holding her crashed through a wall. Whatever it was, was monstrous. she couldn't get any details, as her eyes were hazy, but she did see a slight green tint to the beasts fur. It took her just a few second just to think of what could be a giant green monster. She was drawing blanks until she remembered the one person who could turn into anything at the drawback of being green.

"BeastBoy?" She asked weakly. But only heard a grunt in response. She felt her stomach lurch as The Beast made another lunge. The Beasts eyes changed back to BeastBoy's normal green eyes, his control and direction began to falter. The Beast landed on a bridge, gently placed Raven down and backed off, holding his head. The Beast was slowly changing back to BeastBoy but he could never hold his normal form for long.

"BeastBoy?" Raven reached for him when she was stable on her feet.

"STAY BACK!" BeastBoy yelled, gritting his teeth from the pain of parts of his body randomly changing from The Beast and back.

"BeastBoy, just hold on. I'll call the team, they'll help with the changing." She told him, pulling out her communicator.

"NO! They can't help me! This isn't The Beast anymore!" He was backing off toward the railing. "I need to leave... Before he can do any damage." He was so close the rail, Raven was about to put up a shield. "Don't try to save me Raven. I can't control him much longer. If he gets out... I would hurt people... Hurt you... I couldn't forgive myself. Just leave me... Don't try to find me... I'll come to you when I'm safe." Raven watched in silent horror as BeastBoy's warping form plummeted into the river.

* * *

It's been three months since then. The entire team has been searching relentlessly for their changeling, but if it's been three months it's obvious they haven't found anything. Starfire spent the first day crying over the loss of her friend. Robin was stony as always, but everyone knew he took it pretty hard. Cyborg has been spending most of his days in his room searching all across the internet and hacking into government systems for a trace of BeastBoy. Without BeastBoy around nothing is a lively as it was. Cyborg doesn't have anyone to argue with or compete against. But Raven had taken it the hardest. She knew she was the reason BeastBoy turned into that new Beast. And with that, he couldn't control his form. Even if BeastBoy did annoy her almost all day, every day, without his optimistic attitude, and horrible puns and jokes, most of her days have gotten boring. She was used to BeastBoy interrupting her meditation, and sometimes counted on it just for an excuse to get away from the dreary state of repetition.

"Has there been anything?" Raven asked Robin, who was on the master computer in the teams living area.

"No. Still no sign. I just don't understand, even when he's trying his hardest not to be spotted, he always screws up. But now... I'm not even sure Superman could find him."

"Is there anything else we can do?"

"Raven. Everyone has tried everything they can. I've sent out a notice to the League, and to all the other towers. Even to the lone heroes. I've called in **Every **favor I had since I started crime fighting when I was 9. Star can fly at Mach 10 and she's searched every state surrounding Jump City. Cyborg has become a recluse in his room and even risked being a criminal himself by hacking into the governments systems to try and find BeastBoy. And I know that you've also been psychically sweeping the minds of everyone for as far as you can, and probably even farther. And truth be told, I've given this investigation far more time than than I should have." Robin explained.

"I know... I just... I'm sorry." She lowered her head.

"It's okay." He placed a comforting hand on her back. "I know that if I told you 'I know how you feel' you'd tell me I'd be lying. But I want you to know, my parents died in a 'Circus Accident' when I was 9. The truth was that, Tony Zucco, a well know and feared crime lord was trying to extort my family for 'Protection'. When my parents refused to pay, they didn't take kindly. They rigged my parents high wire to snap... I watched them fall to their deaths."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry. We're all here with all our own circumstances. Just know that we all had our share of pain, all of us."

* * *

It was the middle of the night, the entire team was asleep when a high pitched alarm and green lights blared throughout the tower. Robin had Cyborg set up the alarm when they had a positive DNA match on their missing teammate. Everyone rushed to Cyborg's room.

"What is it Cy?" Robin asked the instant he got through the door, the rest of the team not far behind.

"I have a positive match on BeastBoy's DNA."

"Is their anything we can follow?"

"Well that's one of the problems. I found his DNA because..." He pulled up a live camera feed on his largest monitor. "It's covering the entire city." He split the screen into twelve different feeds. Green feathers fluttered throughout the city. Green fur, scales and feathers covered the ground. There were many different prints and scratches on almost every window in the area of the changelings sheddings.

"How in the... He must be in the city, Titans! Fan out and search for him!" Robin threw out his arm in command. Starfire flew threw the tower to the nearest exit, almost breaking the speed of sound. Raven phased through the ground. Robin jumped to the ceiling to exit through a ventilation duct. And Cyborg used a secret exit he implemented into his room. They all arrived at the same general area, then split up to search for any useful clues to find BeastBoy.

Raven had a feeling like something was watching her. Following her. Even with her sweeping the area she couldn't find much of a trace of consciousness. Every so often she would hear scratching, faint breathing, or a group of feathers would fall in her face, but she couldn't find anything. Even though most of the other feathers had settled on the ground. The rest of the team were about the same, bu without the strange sounds. After about an hour they regrouped to compile their findings. Little to nothing. They returned home, depressed that they couldn't find their missing teammate.

* * *

It had been a few hours since the 'Falling Green', as it was classified. It was late and the team was tired, though they didn't want to risk sleeping through an alarm. The team agreed that Starfire should be able to sleep, as a cranky Tamaranian does more harm than help. Last times damages haven't been finished yet. Every one had taken up something to continue looking for BeastBoy, or pass some time until they pass out.

Raven went to meditating, but after a while, something seemed... Off. She created a small subconscious plane for easier search of what was bothering her. The whole ordeal seemed not to bare any fruit. Raven was about to give up, when she felt a faint presence behind her, though she wasn't prepared for what was there. Even though it was so close, it was still shrouded in shadows. She could see a lot of wounds, most of them bleeding pretty badly, the figure clutched his right arm, covering what was, as it looked, to be the worst of the wounds. It was a moderately large hole, showing some of the blood covered bone. She looked to see who it was, but could only see the lower half of his face, from what she could see, something was trailing down from under where his eyes were. _Dear Azar. Tears of Blood? _A steady trail of blood dripped off of his chin and it only worsened when he opened his mouth. His teeth were extremely sharp, and, what else?, Covered in blood, though his canines were most prominent.

"Please..." His voice deep but weak. "Open... The window." He told her before he vanished in an explosion of black mist. Ravens eyes shot open as she left her meditative state. On compulsion, Raven opened the window closest to her. She didn't know why she only opened that one, but she knew it was the right one.

"Raven, wha-" Robin was cut off as a large object flew through the window and crashed onto the floor. As the team looked to see whatever it was, only to find out it was a Whoever it was. And not just any Whoever, it was BeastBoy.

"BeastBoy?!" Raven dropped to his side and turned him over. "What? Who did this to you?" She was careful not to touch any wounds on his body as to not further his pain, of which was hard, as his wounds were **Everywhere**. Robin arrived only seconds after Raven, and Cyborg left to retrieve a Med-Kit to heal some of BeastBoy's smaller wounds.

"Super Poachers." He said with a straight face, he paused a second then started laughing at how ironic the name was, but stopped as the pain became too much.

"This isn't a time to be joking!" Raven and Robin said in unison.

"I'm not. I had been in the wild as to not hurt anyone with The Demon, apparently some villains heard I was there and decided to hunt me down. Resulting in Super Poachers." He chuckled at the name again.

"But all of this..."

"Tried to take them all on, they had a few, painful, tricks up their sleeves."

"And... Your eyes?"

"Close range concussive blast. Blew out my ear drums and tear sacks. I've managed to regenerate most of the damage to my ears, but when I'm like **This **it doesn't go so fast. Just get me to Medical, take care of the larger wounds the smaller ones will take care of themselves." And there he was, in the medical wing, an IV in his arm and Cyborg working to stitch BeastBoy's wounds together. Now that he wasn't in any danger of bleeding to death, or something of the like, Raven got to see how he had changed. From what she could tell, he was about 6'4'', his hair was long, as it should be, being gone for three months. It was neatly pulled back but covered in blood. The only clothes he had were the remanence of his old suit acting as shorts. She hoped that he had washed them in the time he was gone.

Raven watched from a distance as Cyborg inspected BeastBoy. He always winced from the pain of Cyborgs probing or of his own injuries, whether he was conscious or not. After some time, Raven decided to confront Cyborg about BeastBoy.

"What do you think caused him to turn?" She asked from behind Cyborg. He gave a small sigh and turned to Rave.

"I'm not sure, usually The Beast would show itself in times of extreme stress or in event of Fight or Flight."

"Fight or Flight? How come he never turned during actual battles? Wouldn't adrenaline come out in those?"

"His body probably got adapted to the constant battle and only induces Fight or Flight on terms he fears an outcome of."

"So..."

"Yeah, from your report on the mission he disappeared, he was probably afraid that Pastro would kill you. Fear begets anger. I would have ruled it off as another occurrence of The Beast if it wasn't for this." Cyborg said as he moved BeastBoy onto his side. Just below the nape of his neck was something Raven never wanted to see again. The Mark of Scath. It was like it was cut into him.

"What? But how? Trigon shouldn't have any ties to the mortal realm."

"He probably doesn't, but he is a God. BeastBoy probably called out for any sort of power and Trigon responded. I looked into other cases of the Mark of Scath, and BB is relatively lucky. Most of the cases had the Mark branded into the Caller, probably for a more permanent connection to them. Others had deep cuts, to form scar tissue, another permanent form of connection. B's are medium deep, they will leave a scar, it's not prominent for any direct or indirect influence from Trigon, but he will continue to receive a small amount of power from him." Cyborg explained.

"I don't like people talking about me behind my back." A hoarse, gravelly voice came from below them.

* * *

So there you go, Chapter 2. I know I took pretty long getting this up, but I've been lazy and had to find the inspiration for Phantom Destination **Along with **having to wait for people to give reviews on what Tucker and Valeries new looks should be. (Most of which didn't review.) But anywho You could say this chapter is pretty exciting, even though it doesn't have any combat. Might do a New Look For Everyone thing for this FF too. **Attention!: **I will be doing a revision, y'know, sprucing up on my chapters. Not only in To Find Ones Self, but also in Phantom Destination. After I re-read the chapters a few times, I noticed that some thing proceed to another time a bit too quickly. I will fix these, 'cuz I always seem to complain about when other people do it. So expect chapters to be mysteriously longer at some point in time.


End file.
